Monday, April 15, 2013

Probably the reason I hate country ballads.

Institute dances.

They are the adult version of stake dances. The social event of the season when I was 14
has now transformed into an entirely new creature with most of the same problems.

I think Institute dances are a clever ruse of the church to trick us into thinking we are having a good time without actually having a good time.

The music, while it is popular music that we all know, is impossible to dance too. I blame the D.J. Which is typically the wife of one of the Bishopbric, age 40-65. The one this last weekend was wearing a sweater vest. When the dancing starts what usually ends up happening is that you jump up and down and sing along. The dance eventually becomes a weird moving wave of karaoke.

They have gotten better though. They actually played some dub-step last time. Regardless I always find a way to freak and drop it like it's hot. I'm skilled like that.

So, I like dancing but the thing that I most dislike about an institute dance is:

The slow song.

I understand the reasoning. It is so we can meet people of the opposite sex and maybe get married to them. I still dislike them all of the same. Here's why:

I never get asked to dance. Guys will walk by, do a once over, and then move on. Great, I now know what ugly puppies at a pet store feel like. Then one by one my friends will be stolen away from me until I'm the only one left and I have to move to the side so I don't get trampled by the couples who are aggressively waltzing in an attempt to impress and (in my opinion) injure everyone around them. 

So now I have to make awkward small talk with all of the other undesirable whales, while trying to console them at the same time.

Last Saturday, they played two slow songs in a row. It was torture. I think the D.J. heard me talk about her sweater vest and decided to teach me a lesson. Well played sweater vest...well played.

Welcome to my life. 

1 comment:

  1. Hang on there, you sweet little whale-puppy thing you... Your time will come!

    We'll show Sweater Vest what's what, with the whattiest what in the world! You'll be the one gettin' your freak on in the glory sun!

    Especially with this country anti-ballad called "This Ain't No Love Song" because, well... it ain't no love song?